10. 16. 2015.
Badr has a long time friend named Aziz that he met when they both lived in Arkansas. They've been friends since junior high. I've known Aziz since I met him my freshman year of college. I met his brother Fawaz the day before my wedding, which was good because he was one of the groomsmen.
Only recently have I met their sister, Maram, since she moved back from D.C. to Riyadh.
Maram graduated with her doctorate from the states and now works here in Riyadh with her husband and two children. She threw a graduation party here in Saudi to celebrate her great success. I was invited to this party and that is where things get interesting.
For starters, parties here in Saudi are different than in the U.S. They are separate; all the women will be in one area and all the men will be in the other. They do this because most women here not only cover their hair, but they also cover their face. Men and women also do not socialize with each other unless they are family. As a woman, you are allowed to hang out with your brothers, uncles, grandpas, and father, and of course if you have a husband or sons. That's it.
Back to the story. I am invited to the girls side of Maram's graduation party. After living in Saudi for more than 2 years, I know how this will be. It will be FANCY. Girls will be wearing heels, dresses that are more like evening gowns, professional hair and make up, mani/pedi, the whole 9 yards.
I did my own hair and make up and headed to the party. The invitation said it started at 8 pm, so I show up around 8:20. When I walked in, I gave my invitation to the security guard (you can't get in without it).
So I walk in and hand in my abaya, my veil, and my phone. Yes, at these parties, they take your phone.
My guess is that girls are afraid their picture will be taken without a veil.
Once I hand in my belongings, I walk in and greet all of Maram's female relatives (mom, grandma, sisters, and aunts from her mother's side) who are in two rows of seats facing each other. Then I greet Maram. She said Fawaz's wife, Milena, is not here yet. Milena had told me she would come early! Now I have no one to sit with! So I go and sit down alone.
The room is a rectangle shape. It is very large like a conference hall in a hotel. The walls are draped in fabric nicely and Arabic music is blasting. The room is divided down the middle by a dance floor. There are couches on both sides facing the dance floor. So I plop down on a couch nearest to the dance floor, basically the front row. Everyone is staring at me. It is obvious they are talking about me.
For some reason, I found it really funny. I sat there wondering how long I would awkwardly be alone.
Every once in a while, an old lady would walk in and some girls would get up and greet her, kissing her on the forehead (this is a tradition people do to respect their elders). A couple old ladies greeted me. I had no idea who they were, and still have no idea, but I got up, greeted them in Arabic (to their surprise) and laid a kiss right on their foreheads. One lady was so surprised she even giggled.
What I expect was about 30 minutes later, Milena showed up with her friend Lina. I knew Lina from previous gatherings so we sat together. Milena sat at the entrance with family because she is Maram's sister in law. It was a relief to not be alone in a room full of strange faces.
Next thing I know, this women maybe in her 60's walks up to me and says "I'm Mazen's mother." Mazen is one of Badr's friends I met in college. I told her how great Mazen is and she replied "I don't speak English." The whole time we are talking, she is holding my hand. I notice out of the corner of my eye that Badr's mother and 2 of his sisters have arrived and are waiting to greet me, but Mazen's mother won't let go of my hand. Then she pulls me across the dance floor to the other set of couches and introduces me to Mazen's sister (who I suspected also didn't speak English). We awkwardly fumble for words and once I broke away, I was able to greet Badr's family.
I sat with Lina for a few more minutes and then went to sit with Badr's family. We talked for quite a while above the loud music and maybe 30 minutes later, Mazen's mother comes back up to me and says "This is Ahmed's mother." So I greet her and Mazen's mother says "Do you understand?". "Yes" I quickly lied. I had no idea who Ahmed was but the look of excitement on both of their faces told me to play along, and maybe I would find out later. I just couldn't crush their spirit.
So I sat back down.
At these parties, a bunch of women are hired to serve you Arabic coffee, Arabic tea, dates, chocolates, sweets, and water. They come out in uniforms and go through the room spreading their cheer.
I think I had maybe 10 sweets before I was able to say no.
The room was filling up and girls were starting to dance up and down the long, skinny dance floor. Since both sections of couches are facing the dance floor and it is in the middle, it's really the only thing to watch. So I'm stuffing my face and watching girls dance, ignoring the stares and obvious "who is that girl" conversations.
What was maybe another 30 minutes later, Mazen's mother shows up again. "This is Mazen's wife." And thank goodness she spoke English. I had been waiting to meet her! Every time Mazen's mom showed up, all the girls around me were staring. We were creating a big scene!
Around maybe 11 o'clock, I convinced Maryam and Nouf (Badr's sisters) to get up and dance with me. I don't really know how to dance to Arabic music, but I gave it my best shot. I even had fun, trying to ignore everyone who was still seated staring at me. I can't really blame them, I was literally the only white person in the entire room.
Dinner was served in the next room just before 1 o'clock (in the morning!!!). It was a glorious buffet of everything you could think of. Traditional Arabic food of course, plus pasta, salad, pasta salads, salmon, potatoes, curry, chicken, and fish. I wasn't even hungry due to all the goodies I had greedily eaten before. And there was still dessert to consider.
Badr's family left right after dinner, so I went to sit with Milena and Lina before I left. I thought the party was over, but apparently people were still going to dance after this! (Milena sent me a picture later that night when it was over, it ended at 3:30) I was done.
Once I said my goodbyes, I went to the area to claim my abaya. There were tons of girls, all holding out their numbers waiting to get their abayas. After I noticed being cut once or twice, I got more aggressive. A girl who just showed up held out her number in front of mine and I said "No take mine, I've been here longer than she has." It worked. And the girl gave me a strange look.
Saudi has taught me to ignore stares, be brave, and patience is not a virtue here.
